A Skywalker Family Vacation:The Unwanted Edition
by For You Blue
Summary: Just in time to ruin your holiday season, comes the revival of an epic tale, documenting the Skywalker family's simple, wholesome vacation. AU,17 years post ROTS. Humor. A/P H/L L/M Yoda,Obi-Wan and a cast of many.*Chapter 2 has been unleashed, run!*
1. A Great Idea

**Introduction:**

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Several eons ago...well a good four years at any rate, an evil, viral Alternative Universe tale was told of an epic vacation undertaken by the Skywalker family.

Many a time a poor reader was doomed to witness such horrors and amazing events...that came to no conclusion; and the tale was never completed because the transcriber became so mortified by what happened next, she quickly had the information sealed in a box, (along with a packet labelled: "Obi-Wani.") And buried underneath a church so it would never see the light of day again!

But after four years of pesky Jedi ghosts singing _The song that never ends..._ (and switching to _Journey_ songs once they started watching _Glee_,) the unfortunate transcriber fled her Classics lecture and began digging up the box.

Unfortunately this was done in broad daylight during a wedding, and the Priest had the transcriber arrested; not for digging up a box but for stealing the bride's veil and, (covered in cobwebs and dirt) screaming out: "Look! I'm the girl from the _White Wedding_ video clip!"

So now from a jail cell near you, comes the rebirth of a classic...well the revival of something rather interesting...oh alright: _A Skywalker Family Vacation: The Unwanted Edition_.

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**Summary:**

In the tradition of _Nation Lampoon's Vacation_ movies, this is a humorous AU story about Anakin Skywalker planning a perfect vacation for his birthday present, with Padmé and their seventeen year old twins, Luke and Leia. As predicted, nothing goes according to plan.

Additional, unwanted, guests snag a ride with the Skywalker family, including a slightly deranged Obi-Wan Kenobi, and an unhappy Jedi Master called Yoda.

But much worse lies ahead to destroy Anakin's plans for a perfect family vacation, including a flirtatious red-haired girl hitch-hiking her way around the galaxy and a spice smuggler who helps them out. Helping himself, in turn, to too much as far as Anakin is concerned!

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**Disclaimer**: I don't own it. The great one, also known as George Lucas, does.

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**A Skywalker Family Vacation: The Unwanted edition.**

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**Chapter One: A great idea.**

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**A**nakin Skywalker, thirty-eight standard years of age as of two minutes past 0300 hours four hours ago, surveyed himself in the full length mirror in the 'fresher on-suite of his bedroom, (that he shared with his wife of eighteen years, Padmé Amidala Naberrie-Skywalker.)

The buzzing of the early morning traffic on Courscant could be heard outside.

Skywalker pursed his lips into a frown and ran his index finger along a crease near his bright blue left eye. "Stupid wrinkle," he mumbled, poking at it, then moving his finger over to the other side of his face, "stupid other wrinkle!" He accused, pushing back his fair hair.

Then when the Jedi Master found a grey hair amongst the fair hair he pushed back, Anakin turned his mumbling accusations from wrinkles to the offending hair strand.

Padmé heard mumbling from the 'fresher and rolling over to where her husband usually was at this time of the morning, and finding him not there, deduced that her birthday-boy spouse was the one loudly mumbling in the bathroom.

Naberrie-Skywalker pushed back her brown curls from her matching brown eyes and got out of the bed, pulling on her robe and padding barefoot over to the open door-way of the 'fresher and leaning against the door-frame.

An amused smile spread across Padmé's face as her tall husband, (dressed in his sleeping shorts,) poked and prodded at his handsome features with vicious grunts.

"Anakin Skywalker, what in the name of the Palpatine's charred remains are you doing?"

The tanned Jedi Master turned and regarded his wife, petite and as beautiful as ever at forty-one, (nearly forty-two) dressed in a simple white nightgown and her curls awry.

Anakin pointed at the crease next to his left eye, the one that had got him so annoyed in the first place. "Look! Look! It's another one of those a cursed wrinkles!"

Padmé stared at her younger husband for a few moments, then burst out in laughter. "Jedi aren't supposed to be vain! And that's not a wrinkle," she stated, Anakin snorted and turned around, Padmé walked over and stood next to him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"That's a laugh line from all the love and laughter you've brought into my life." She stood on tip-toes and kissed the line on his face. "And this laugh line," Padmé moved to his right side and kissed the other crease in the tanned skin.

"Is all the laughter and joy you've brought into the lives of your friends and your children."

Anakin smiled and pulled her into his arms, "you always know the right thing to say," he purred in her ear, Padmé giggled, and he sighed, "I was just thinking, how the years have gone by so fast. I mean look at Luke and Leia, they're seventeen…seventeen!" He exclaimed.

"And we haven't even seen Luke in nearly two years! Leia's off studying politics and will be going off to the Alderaan University this summer...and after Obi-Wan took Luke as a Padawan they went back to that…place. The one with...sand and…"

Padmé looked innocently at him, "you mean Tatooine?"

Anakin fumed, "Padmé, it's my birthday, I'm the birthday-boy I don't want to hear the T-word today," he scowled, Padmé cuddled up next to him, a cheeky smile on her face.

"Okay, you're the birthday-boy, and your wife has to go get you something special for breakfast," she pulled him down to her level and kissed his lips firmly. "Happy birthday my handsome Jedi."

Skywalker nodded, "yeah, yeah." He turned back to the mirror as Padmé patted his chest and strolled out, he turned back to the mirror.

Anakin frowned when he thought of his children, Leia was becoming a beautiful young woman and was gaining the attention of far too many young senator's sons. (His fist clenched together at this thought.)

And Luke…his little sandy-haired darling boy was becoming a Jedi!

No, this wasn't fair. Time was not allowed to just slip away from him.

Anakin happily remembered the days when the twins were little, and they'd all pile into Padmé's Nubian cruiser and they'd go on a trip round to the fun places in the galaxy…

The Jedi Master grinned broadly, "that's it!" Anakin exclaimed. He hadn't asked for one tiny little thing for his birthday, but he knew exactly what he wanted now.

Skywalker rubbed his hands together gleefully in anticipation and rushed out of the 'fresher and out of the bedroom, and wondered through the apartment, looking for his wife.

"Padmé! Padmé, my gorgeous, incredibly sexy wife, where are you and your curvy figure that I love to cover in kisses, from your head to your delicate bre—"

Anakin stopped mid-stride as he entered the kitchen, where not only his wife, who was stirring a bowl of pancake mix, stood. But also his elderly parents-in-law and his Sola and her husband Darred, seated around the kitchen table.

Skywalker practically shrieked and ran out of the room, leaving behind a shocked mother-in-law and a sister-in-law laughing her head off.

A moment later Anakin returned, fully clothed and glaring at his chuckling wife as he peered around the door-frame. "Padmé, dear, why didn't you tell me your parents and your sister and brother-in-law were coming over for breakfast?" He asked through clenched teeth.

Padmé turned from fiddling with the food-prep machine and eyed her husband."Anakin darling, they just turned up especially for your birthday, so sit down dear," she pointed at the space at the kitchen table next to her frowning father.

Anakin gave a tentative smile at the glaring Ruwee and sat down. Padmé placed a steaming mug of caff in front of her husband, and the fair haired man grasped it in both hands and looked down at its murky depths with narrowed eyes.

"Happy Birthday, Anakin," Sola said sweetly from across the table, Anakin looked up and eyed her suspiciously.

'It wouldn't have been your idea to arrive early in the morning to surprise me, would it have been, Sola?" Skywalker asked sourly.

Sola shrugged her shoulders but Darred chirped in.

"Yes it was! She's been planning this for months and we all…mmph!" Janren-Naberrie was silenced when Sola shoved a baked Pallie roll into his mouth; and the middle-aged woman smiled over at the fuming Anakin as her husband struggled to chew.

"He's exaggerating, little brother-in-law," the doe-eyed sister of Padmé commented as she picked up another Pallie roll and took a bite out of it, chewing thoughtfully. "I've only been planning it for a week or two."

"Why you—" Anakin yelled, preparing to leap over the table and grab Sola's throat. Ruwee and a choking Darred managed to grab Skywalker before he could move more than an foot in her direction.

Sola chuckled and wondered off into the lounge room, still munching on the sweet bread.

Anakin sat back down with a thump and mumbled under his breath until Padmé placed a plate of pancakes smothered in syrup, with a plate of scrambled eggs and Dewback strips on the side, then he mumbled around his food.

(Words like, "Sola," "lightsaber," and "slicing," were audible enough however.)

Padmé sat down opposite her husband after serving everyone. "Ani," Naberrie-Skywalker purred, she tried to catch his eye but Anakin had eyes only for his food, and his murderous thoughts.

"Ani? Ani? Ani? ANAKIN SKYWALKER!" Amidala practically roared.

Anakin looked up in shock. "What?" He said, taking a sip from his caff to calm his nerves.

Padmé smiled, "you haven't said what you want for your birthday yet," she fluttered her eyelashes.

The last time Anakin hadn't said what he wanted for his birthday was three years after their marriage, when he had been preoccupied with the _Clone Wars_.

Padmé suggested a second honeymoon on Naboo when he had some time off. During that time in the Lake Country the twins had been conceived.

It had been a wonderful two weeks, and now the former senator hoped her husband was planning the same thing.

Anakin smiled broadly, "I already know what I want and it's going to be great!" He smiled at her winningly.

Padmé blushed. "Well Anakin, would you like my parents and Darred to leave so you can tell me all the finer details?" She leant forward and grasped his left hand, Anakin looked puzzled and pushed back his hair with his right hand.

"No, not really, they can stay if they like."

Padmé raised her eyebrows, "Ani, are you sure?" She inquired, rubbing his hand harder. Her fair haired husband only shrugged and took a bite out of his pancakes.

"Well yeah, they can stay…actually I'd rather we wait for Luke and Leia before I say anything," Anakin had a big smile on his face that made him look like a little boy again; and Padmé was confused, but didn't want to ruin her husband's happiness.

So Naberrie-Skywalker just patted her husband's tanned hand and smiled uncertainly at him.

"Of course Anakin. Luke should be here in about half an hour, Leia is already on her way over here from the Senate," she said calmly, though her eyes were still clouded with uncertainty.

Anakin gave her a broad grin and went back to devouring his food, the happy thought of his planned vacation drove the thoughts of destroying Sola out of his mind.

In truth, Skywalker hadn't been this happy since Emperor Palpatine had taken him on that trip to Mustafa, and the old man had fallen off a floating platform and backwards into the lava lake.

(Oh, Anakin might have had a little something to do with it, Palpatine telling him he was a Sith Lord; that his wife was going to die in child birth, that he should kill Obi-Wan etc. But what happened on Mustafa, stays on Mustafa.)

Anakin couldn't wait for Luke and Leia to arrive, this was going to be the best birthday ever!

-xxx-

The doorbell buzzed and hour later, and Anakin was up on his feet in a flash sensing the presence at the door, "its Luke! It's Luke!" He said excitedly rushing out of the kitchen.

Padmé cried out, "Hey!" She went running after him. "You agreed you'd let me hug him first when he came back!"

Anakin turned around and smirked at his wife."I lied, it's my birthday, and I get to hug him first!" He shouted back merrily.

Sola was sitting on a chair in the entrance room and turned her head from the holo-vision to see Anakin coming running blindly forward. Sola0 didn't miss a beat and promptly stuck her leg out, but Anakin saw it coming and yelled in triumph as he jumped over his sister-in-law's leg.

But unfortunately Master Skywalker misjudged his mark and went tumbling over the exotic rug he bought back from Malastare for his wife.

Padmé cheered as she saw Anakin go down; but Sola however hadn't pulled back her leg quick enough, and her little sister went flying through the air and landed on top of her husband.

Anakin smiled and turned to regard his dishevelled wife, "love to dear, but I've got our only son to greet." He went to pull himself up, but Padmé grabbed his legs and tried to climb over him. Skywalker tried to push his wife back down with one hand.

"No you don't!" Padmé said, her voice muffled by her husband's hand, which she promptly bit down on.

Anakin grimaced but kept edging his way to the door, dragging his wife behind him as he crawled. Skywalker finally reached the door and pressed the door panel, throwing his arms around the boot covered legs that stood behind it, as soon as it swished open.

"Oh your home! I missed you so much!" Anakin cried out closing his eyes and hugging the booted legs closer to him.

"Oh it's nice to see you too, Anakin," a dry, accented voice commented.

Anakin eyes snapped open and he looked up to see to see the bearded features of his former master gazing back at him.

"And I thought you didn't care!" Obi-Wan Kenobi sobbed, pulling his stunned former apprentice into a choking hug.

Padmé (having detached herself from her husband's legs during the process of Anakin being pulled up by Obi-Wan,) and threw herself at the dark clothed figure, a few inches taller than herself, that was standing behind the greying Jedi Master.

"Luke, oh Gods, my baby!" She cooed, holding her son close.

Anakin threw Obi-Wan off and grabbed both his son and Padmé in a massive hug.

Padmé put her hands on the side of Luke's dimpled features and kissed him all over his face, "my…baby's growing…up," she pieced together between kisses. Skywalker bumped his wife out of the way playfully and pulled their son into a back-slapping hug.

"You've grown so much!" Anakin said with a proud smile, pulling his son back.

The elder of the Skywalker twins had had a growth spurt, but was still much shorter than his six-foot-one father, Luke was about to say something but Anakin pulled him back into another choking hug with a happy whimper.

Luke and Leia had always been a mix of both Anakin and Padmé. Now they were getting older Luke was favouring Anakin in looks; slender, muscular build, and his mother in height.

Leia had gained just about all of her mother's looks, but was curvier and more well built in a way that mirrored Anakin's mother Shmi. Leia had Anakin's temper, while Luke mimicked his mother in temperament wise, biding his time until his blood was positively boiling.

"I missed you too Dad." Luke said finally managing to pull himself out of his father's embrace.

Anakin's lower lip trembled. "Oh your voice changed! My son's a man!" He sobbed, pulling his son back into his embrace.

Luke turned his head to the side and glanced in confusion at his mother, Padmé shrugged and mouthed:

_"Mid-life crisis,"_

Obi-Wan threw his arms around his Padawan and his former Padawan. "Group hug!" He cried out.

Master Skywalker pulled his son away from Obi-Wan with a look of horror. Kenobi looked dejected and walked into the house, with his nose in the air and a huff.

Anakin glanced down at the exhausted looking Luke, "what is wrong with Obi-Wan?"

"What is _not_ wrong with him is the better question. He went out of the hermitage one night about four months ago during a sandstorm and came back like that!" Luke shook his fair-haired head.

"We stopped in the Jedi temple before we came here and I begged the council to let him get examined. Master Windu said that there wasn't anything they could do about Obi-Wan, and that I was just going to have to let you be my Master in the meantime; and humour Obi-Wan that he's still my Master."

Obi-Wan stuck his head out, now wearing Padmé's frilly apron. "I'm making a cheese soufflé! Who wants to help me add the fresh Wookiee?" He held up one of Leia's old stuffed Wookiee toys and disappeared back in to the apartment singing:

_"I like freshly chopped Wookiee, freshly chopped Wookiee for meee! I like it for dinner, I like it for tea…"_

Padmé ran in after him, screaming in fright. "Obi-Wan Kenobi, don't you take one step towards my food prep machine!" She cried out.

Anakin glanced over at Luke in a panic. "You lived with him like that for four months?…Wait a moment, he's our responsibility? Why doesn't the council take him in?"

Luke sighed again, rubbing his temples. "They, have a bigger problem, Master Windu said it was the biggest one they'd had in years…"

Interrupting the Jedi Padawan was a loud banging sound, coming down the hall from the direction of the elevator, father and son turned to see what was causing the noise.

The culprit was revealed to be and a short, green creature, wearing a roughly woven sack and a baseball cap. It came hobbling down the hall, carrying his gimmerstick cane in one arm and carrying a large pot, (with a wooden spoon sticking out of it,) in the other.

"Birthday there is? I bring my root-leaf stew!" The green creature sounded suspiciously like Master Yoda, Anakin looked alarmed.

"Umm, no birthday here, try upstairs," he directed.

The green troll-like creature pushed up the visor of his baseball cap and glared up at Anakin, who nearly shrieked as he recognised the short alien.

"Senile I am not! Obi-Wan's fifth birthday party it is! Ice-cream cake promised was! Out of my way woman!" Yoda smacked Anakin with his gimmerstick cane, and marched into the apartment, banging away on his pot of stew with the spoon.

Anakin turned and looked at Luke in horror, "that's their problem?" He gasped, his teenage son nodded. "Now the biggest problem the Jedi council has had in years is loose in my _apartment_?" He screeched, Luke nodded again and his father shook his head.

"That's it, I'm asking for my birthday present today!" Master Skywalker howled.

Luke looked intrigued. "Really? What is it Dad?" He said excitedly, Anakin put his arm around his son's shoulders.

"Sorry son, but we have to wait for Leia to get here first. It's a family announcement. Why don't we go see your Grandparents, Uncle Darred," he grimaced.

"And your Aunt Sola…"

Luke grinned, "really? Aunt Sola here?"

"Did I just here my name spoken by the only decent man to bear the Skywalker name?" A gushing voice cried out as the eavesdropping Sola ran out of the apartment to embrace her blue-eyed nephew, knocking Anakin to the ground in the process.

"Oh you've grown so much! How many girls have gotten their claws into my handsome Luke?"

Anakin intervened as he drummed his fingers on the carpet of the hall. "Sola, my son isn't old enough for girls yet, why don't I introduce you to Master Yoda?" he smiled evilly as he got to his feet and cupped his left hand on the side of his mouth.

"Master Yoda, I found a girl who thinks you rock!" Anakin called back into the apartment.

Sola looked confused. "Who or what is a Yod—Ahh, get it off, get it off!" She squealed, feeling a pair of clawed hands wrap around her lower leg and frantically shaking her right leg harder when she looked down at the cause.

"Rock your world, Yoda will!" The Jedi Master grinned up at her. Sola screamed and finally shook Yoda off her leg, sending him flying back into the apartment and she stuck her head back into the apartment.

"Darred, we're leaving! Luke, nice to see you honey, tell Leia we said hello." She glared at Anakin. "Happy birthday, Anakin," Sola marched off down the hall.

Darred walked over and shook Anakin's and then Luke's hands. "Well she's my ride, sorry about leaving like this. We had a lovely time, let's not wait till next Yule to catch up," he smiled and rushed after his fuming wife.

Luke and Anakin were stunned for a while, but an a loud banging sound, and Obi-Wan crying brought them out of their stupor and they ran in to help Padmé take control back of her kitchen.

-xxx-

Leia arrived on the doorstep of her family's apartment twenty minutes after Luke had arrived, she pressed the door buzzer and poked at her hair buns in annoyance.

"Of all the planets to take apprenticeship with in the senate, I have to choose the world with the worse fashion sense!" She tugged unhappily at the high-necked white dress, when nobody answered the door she tried knocking.

Still no answer.

Leia rolled her eyes and fiddled around in her purse for her key cards, she scanned in the apartment key and stepped into total chaos.

For starters, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda were perched on the lounge chairs having a staring contest...that was innocent enough unless you counted the interplanetary cheese selection snack-eating contest they were having at the same time.

The young apprentice senator could hear her mother screaming out various curses at Obi-Wan from the kitchen; and Leia decided she had better go see her mother first for a heads up on why two Jedi Masters were having a staring/cheese-eating contest, in the lounge room.

Leia stuck her head into the kitchen and looked over at her mother who was staring out of the kitchen window, cursing away as R2-D2 supervised the cleaning droids. "Mom?"

Padmé looked over at her daughter and smiled. "Hi baby-girl," she walked over to Leia and hugged her. "How was the Senate today?" Padmé inquired.

Leia shrugged. "A mad house, the Kashyyyk senator… Chewbacca? Yeah that's right, I think you met him at your retirement party, he was fired by his Uncle for trying to fight for legalization of spice smuggling.

"Poor Chewbacca. He has a wife and a baby…and why are there two Jedi Master's having a staring-cheese eating contest in the lounge?"

Padmé rolled her eyes, "apparently Yoda had a break-down, the pressure of being the Jedi Council's head caught up to him after two-hundred years. As for Obi-Wan…according to Luke he just came back like that one day after a sandstorm. I wonder what—"

Leia interrupted happily. "Luke? Luke's back?" She demanded excitedly, Padme laughed and kissed her daughter's forehead.

"He's out in the courtyard with your father and your grandparents. Go on scoot, and Leia?" Naberrie-Skywalker stopped her daughter before Leia rushed out the backdoor.

"Maybe you could suggest to whoever designed that shocking uniform that they come up with some appropriate underwear as well?"

Her daughter grinned, "I'm glad I'm not the only person who thinks so! Be back in a sec Mom." Leia rushed outside into the courtyard where, on the neatly cut grass, her father and her fair-haired brother were having an impromptu wrestling match; while her elderly grandparents were snoozing nearby on comfortable porch chairs.

"Luke!" Leia called out gleefully, waving to get her twin's attention.

Luke looked up from the headlock his father had him caught in and grinned. "Leia!" He flipped his father off, rushed over to pull his now shorter sister into a hug, and spun her around in his embrace as they laughed. "I missed you so much!"

Leia hugged him tightly, "it's been a nightmare without you here big brother," she pulled back. "Hey your voice changed and your finally taller than me! Who would have thought that was ever going to happen?" Leia chuckled and punched her brother's arm playfully.

Anakin jogged over, "weren't you two having a big feud before Luke left? I thought I was going to have to pry your hands from around his neck!" He put a hand on his son's shoulder as Leia rolled her eyes, (in a perfect imitation of her mother,) at her tall father.

"Daddy, we were kids then, now we're practically adults," Leia said pointedly, Anakin reached over and stroked his daughter's pretty face.

"It's the 'practically' I'm glad about…are you wearing make-up?" Anakin exclaimed.

Luke looked up shocked at his father and Leia rolled her eyes again, folding her arms under her breasts.

"Only for the past three years, are you going blind, Daddy?" Leia invoked innocently, in the cooing fashion that had always let her get away with everything; her sultry pout adding to the effect.

Anakin smiled broadly. "No pitten just surprised. At least you're not old enough for boys yet, that look could get you into a lot of trouble…"

Leia looked up innocently at her father, "if I'm not old enough for boys, then certainly Luke isn't for girls," she cooed, fluttering her eyelashes at Luke, who cleared his throat pointedly and tugged at the priest-like collar of his robes.

Anakin grinned blindly at his daughter, still seeing a little brown haired girl, dressed in torn overalls and her hair in two messy pigtails.

" 'course not! Your both too young to be interested in such things. Guess what? I have a surprise for you two! I know it's my birthday, but the gift is for everyone!" Anakin said excitedly, almost jumping up and down on the spot.

Luke exchanged a worried look with his equally disturbed sister. Usually their father's surprises were not to be taken lightly.

A new speeder was normal for anyone else's family for a surprise.

Anakin Skywalker's family usually ended up with an impromptu trip around one of the moons of Yavin, in a junky ship with a leaking hyperdrive; and not to mention space-bandits on their tail. That scenario was a typical example of a surprise from their father.

The head of the Skywalker family put an arm around both of his children and lead them into the kitchen, where Padmé was laying out some more food from the repaired prep-machine and then turned her back.

"Luke Skywalker, sit down and eat something, your nothing but skin and bones! Leia, you eat something too darling and Anakin, you've already had one serve of breakfast so… " Padmé turned around to look at her husband

Before the former senator could finish her sentence, Anakin was already fighting with Luke, (who had his mouth and his plate already crammed with food,) over the last top-potato hash brown; Leia was munching on a muja fruit and had a bowl full of her multivitamin health cereal.

Padmé sighed and walked out of the kitchen to find a few vacuum droids to clean up two certain Jedi Masters.

After winning the battle for the last hash brown against his father, Luke turned to regard his sister and the brown, stomach churning muck she was eating.

"Lei, what in blazes are you cramming down your neck in replacement of food?" The elder Skywalker twin asked around a mouthful of dewback strips.

Leia glared at her brother. "At least your vocabulary has improved. It's healthy and full of multivitamins, which, since I didn't inherit my family's endlessly fast metabolisms, is part of my daily diet and exercise," she snapped.

"Being in the public eye isn't as easy as training to be a Jedi, bro."

Luke smirked and waved a piece of hash-brown in his sister's pale, glaring features. "I bet you miss normal food though, don't you? Or does your boyfriend take you out to fine restaurants after you finish up at the 'library'," he mocked.

Anakin's eyebrows shot up at this and Leia smiled prettily.

"Luke, I don't have a boyfriend, and…" she grabbed a hash-brown off her twin's plate. "If I feel like 'normal food' I can eat one piece of eat any time I want and it won't interrupt my diet. I have strong willpower..." Leia took a bite out of the top-potato mixture and her eyes rolled into the back of her head. "Oh Force!"

Anakin looked relieved as his daughter scoffed down the hash-brown.

No boyfriend? Thank the Force! And it looked like she was back to eating normal food.

Master Skywalker eyed his son, "Luke, leave your sister alone."

Leia pulled a face at Luke and both twins went back to eating. Padmé came in a moment later and put her arms around Anakin's shoulders.

"Well, my love, Luke and Leia are both here, now are you going to tell us what you want from all of us as your big birthday present?" She inquired, resting her chin on his head.

Anakin nodded. "Sure, okay kids, do you remember what we used to do all the time when you were little?" He began.

Leia looked alarmed. "Make Luke and me sit in the bath tub and take embarrassing holos to send to relatives and the Jedi Council?"

Luke cut in, "double daring us to interrupt Mom in a senate session and demand cookies?"

Anakin shook his head, "no, and no..." he looked up at the fuming Padmé. "No Luke, I don't ever remember telling you and Leia to do that...really I didn't Padmé...okay I might have suggested where they could find you and told them we were out of cookies, but..."

Naberrie-Skywalker narrowed her brown eyes, "you were saying what we used to do when the children were small, Anakin?" She inquired through almost clenched teeth.

Anakin smiled, remembering. "Oh yeah. Do you remember when Coruscant got really cold and we'd all pack into your Mother's Nubian and go off to Corellia and lounge around on the beaches. And then we'd go hiking through the Ithorian jungles...ridding Gualamas by the Naboo lakeside..." He sighed dreamily.

Padmé quickly realised where this was heading, and so did Anakin's apprehensive twin children.

"I am going to plan, the ultimate, one of a kind, Skywalker family vacation!" Anakin crowed triumphantly; a big smile plastered across face as the Jedi Master waited for the hugs and exclamations of joy that he was sure to receive from his family.

"Noooooo!" Luke and Leia howled in protest, Padmé was close to throttling her younger husband and settled for shaking his shoulders hard.

"You promised me we'd go on a trip with just the two of us!" Amidala yelled as the twins kept bemoaning. "Do you even remember what the family vacations were like with these two terrors? Or are you just going senile and are inventing memories that never happened!"

Anakin looked devastated, "honey? Kids? I thought you'd be excited about this, it would be a great bonding experience for us all…"

Padmé sat down next to Anakin and started numbering off on her fingers, "one, do you remember Leia completely covering you in wet sand while you were dozing in the sun on Corellia's beaches when she was five; and then her trying to hold Luke underwater when they were eight? Two, the last time we went hiking in Ithorian Luke and Leia both caught poison Tirri-ivy and you fell into that acid plant growth !

"And three, remember you and Luke having that race on Gualamaback along the lakeside when they were ten and you both fell off and both broke your collarbones? Do you remember _any_ of these things, Skywalker?"

Anakin scratched his head, "but Padmé, the twins are seventeen now and we haven't been together as a family for nearly three years, I thought a vacation would be a nice chance for us all to catch up and…" his lower lip almost quivered as he looked at his teenage children.

"…you two are growing up so fast, and it is my birthday, please, please, please, say you'll do it!"

Padmé sighed reluctantly, she considered that Luke and Leia were almost legal adults by Coruscant standards, (only a year to go! Anakin was right that they were growing up fast!)

That meant Luke and Leia wouldn't want to be around their parents constantly, so Anakin and herself could still have a lot of time alone together.

The senator realised that husband was right, that they desperately needed some family time together, _and it's a selfless birthday gift for once,_ Amidala added to herself.

"Alright Ani, we'll do it. Right kids?" Padmé gave her son and daughter the: _you-better-do-as-I'm-suggesting_ look, and Luke and Leia stared at each other before nodding reluctantly.

"If I must," Leia said with a delicate frown.

"Sure." Luke added almost cheerfully. He was only putting on a show before because Leia would have called him a baby. Secretly he loved a chance to get away from Obi-Wan and Yoda…speaking of which...

"Uh, Dad? What are we going to do with Obi-Wan and Master Yoda?"

Anakin waved his hand dismissively, "oh, we'll put Obi-Wan in a mental hospital for a month or so and we'll put Yoda in a kennel, don't worry about it!" He rushed over grabbed both his children in choking one-armed hugs.

"My children, we are about to embark on a journey you'll still be speaking of to your great-grandchildren!"

-xxx-

Outside the kitchen, Obi-Wan and Yoda had each successfully declared themselves the winner of the cheese-snack/staring contest. Kenobi was about to barge into the kitchen, to ask Anakin for a trophy made out of pudding, when he heard about the family vacation Anakin was planning.

And the fact that he and Yoda were going to be imprisoned while Anakin took his wife and children around the galaxy.

Obi-Wan sniffled and went running back to Yoda, "Yogi? Yoga? Yoda?...yes, that's the one, Yoda, our parents, Anakin and Padmé, are putting you in a kennel and me in a mental hospital while they go off on a vacation!" He wailed.

Yoda pushed up the visor of his baseball cap again and smacked Obi-Wan with his cane.

"A Ninny you are, Anakin and Padmé are not our parents, our grandparents they are! Mommy and daddy Luke and Leia are! Still, betrayal I feel, love us they do not!" The venerable Jedi Master sobbed.

"Payback we need, stowaway in their ship and crash their perfect vacation we will!"

* * *

**Please leave a review if you wish. Thank-you for reading. :)**


	2. Alas, poor ObiWani

**I would thank my reviewers, but I will just sigh and shake my head in pity. Poor unfortunate souls, if only you knew what you're encouraging to release out in the universe again. ;)**

**Please enjoy Chapter Two, it is full of many interesting things, well not as interesting as a David Attenborough documentary, but pretty close.**

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**Chapter Two**: Alas poor Obi-Wani...

* * *

**L**uke was smiling in his sleep when his father snuck into his room at 0500hours, the day after Anakin's birthday.

Though Luke had moved to the Jedi Temple a few years ago, and had been on Tatooine till now, Padmé had the bed replaced on an off chance Luke might stay here for a few weeks when he came back from Tatooine.

Anakin and Padmé had arranged all the bookings for the hotels for their vacation and, (behind his wife's back,) Anakin had arranged extra activities for the whole family.

The aforementioned Jedi Master couldn't sleep at all last night, and at the stroke of 0500, he'd decided it was time his family got an early start. Padmé had ignored Anakin's shaking of her shoulders in her deep sleeping state and only rolled over, complaining that she was only human, and mumbling that she should have just married a doctor.

So Skywalker had gone to awaken his beloved twin children. Starting with Luke, Anakin shook his son's shoulders gently as he sat on the edge of the bed. "Luke? Son? Luuuke?" He demanded.

Luke's blue eyes opened with a start and he screamed at the grinning face staring back at him.  
"Ahhh! Darn it Dad!" The elder of the Skywalker twins cried out as he sat up and glared across at his father, Anakin smiled broadly and hugged his dishevelled son.

"Good morning son! Time to get up and get an early breakfast, we have to be all aboard the _Angel_ by 0900hours sharp!" Anakin ruffled Luke's hair, and his son glared up at him.

"Dad, you haven't been asleep at all, have you?" Luke demanded, rubbing his identically coloured blue eyes with the back of his hand, recognising the over-perkiness in his father's voice.

Anakin grinned again, "nope. You sure looked like you were dreaming about something nice though."

"Huh?"

"You were grinning before I woke you up, what were you dreaming about?" Anakin inquired, an innocent, loving expression all over his face.

Luke bit his lip, _oh boy_. "Umm," _think fast, Luke, think!_ "Just about when Obi-Wan screamed that your birthday cake was Darth Maul last night, and began hacking away at it with a bread-stick, claiming revenge for Qui-Gon's death at last. Then when Mom, covered in icing, chased him and Yoda, dressed up in her nightgown, in circles around the kitchen with a laser-knife," he chuckled, Anakin laughed and slapped his knee.

"Oh yeah, that was hilarious! Not that your mother appreciated it very much, especially when Yoda tried to escape across the sink and got her favourite nightgowns caught in the garbage disposal." Anakin ruffled Luke's hair again. "C'mon, time to get dressed! I'm going to go wake up your sister now," he rushed out of his son's room with a happy sequel; and Luke sighed as he used the Force to slide his bedroom door across and locked it.

He then pulled the covers back over his head, laughing to himself as he heard his sister scream from across the hall.

"_Daddy! What the hell are you doing in my room!_"

"_Baby Angel_..."

"_Don't you 'Baby Angel' me Daddy! Out, Out, OUT!_" Leia yelled and then there was a loud thump and a door slamming shut, then he heard his mother's voice cry out.

"_Anakin Skywalker! Get back in bed and leave our children alone! Or better yet, go outside and walk around until I tell you to come back in_!"

"_Aww, Padmé_!" Anakin complained.

"_Fine, you can come back in at 0700 hours_."

Luke sniggered and was about to go back to sleep for another hour or two when he heard a rustling inside his closet. The Jedi Padawan groaned as he rolled out of bed to investigate, pulling on a shirt over his sleeping pants as this particular morning in Fall on Coruscant was crisp, and walked over to his closet.

The only son of Anakin Skywalker peered into the open door and saw a pile of his old clothing and toys moving. He could hear cheerful 'mmm-hmmph-hmph's' and suspected it was the old green Jedi Master that just wouldn't leave the Skywalker's apartment.

Luke sighed and pushed back an old Foozball and a Rex-Clonetrooper 13" figurine to find the happily destructive Yoda pawing through all his old hats.

"Master Yoda, what are you doing?"

Yoda looked around and frowned at the young Jedi. "Lost my cap I have, looking for replacement!" He pulled out a red, yellow and orange swirled cap from the pile of items, (that Leia had brought Luke one birthday when they were six, it had been one of her particularly vicious ages.) "Mmph-hmmph-hmph, perfect this is!"

Luke's blue eyes widened. "Oh Force! Please not that hat Master Yoda!" He moaned, dreading think how Coruscant was going to react to one of the most senior Jedi's running around with a disgustingly bright baseball-cap on his head. Luke reached out to snatch it away from the green troll-like alien.

Yoda hissed at the young Padawan's motion and clutched the hat to his chest, backing away slowly. "Mine! Or I help you not!"

Skywalker rolled his eyes, almost to the back of his head, "help me with what exactly, Master Yoda?"

He pointed at Luke with his scabby finger, "find you a girlfriend I will. Mmph-hmmph-hmph, yes, yes, nice girl," Yoda grinned and Luke nearly fell over anime-style.

"Master Yoda, I do not need your help in getting a girlfriend!" The eldest Skywalker twin shouted at the deranged Jedi Master, reaching out to grab the hat, but Yoda tumbled to the side out of Luke's reach.

The green-troll-like Jedi Master chuckled again as he stroked the red and yellow swirled cap like an evil villain stroked its lap-pet. "Really? How many girlfriends you have on a hermitage on Tatooine, hmmm?"

Luke blushed and sat back on his haunches. "If I tell you the truth, will you find a better hat and go away?" He pleaded, Yoda nodded and hopped up and down. "Alright, I've never had a girlfriend."

Yoda nodded and went to hold out the cap, "okay," but snatched it away with his quick Jedi reflexes before Luke could take it from his clawed grasp. "But know this I did already, Kenobi told me, so promise I will not keep," he pushed the cap down over his pointed ears and pushed Luke out of the way.

"Hee hee hee! Sucker!" Yoda called out, just before he ran smack into the closed door.

Luke decided it wasn't worth it, and gave up trying to get the hat. Settling instead for opening up the bedroom door and throwing the unconscious Yoda out the door and slamming it shut again.

Tossing his shirt into a corner of the room, Luke made his way back over to his bed, laid back down and pulled the covers over his head again. "The Force must really hate me!" He grumbled.

-xxx-

It so happened that in the room opposite his own, Luke's twin sister, (not even a minute younger than her brother, )was having the same thought. Leia's boyfriend had dumped her the day after her father's birthday. Dumped her for a leggy air-head in the legislative youth council.

Leia had cried all night into her old fluffy Wookiee toy, (the one Obi-Wan had almost chopped up into little bits for his soufflé,) and when her overly excited Father had tried to wake her up this morning at 0500, Leia had promptly tossed him out the door.

Leia's pretty eyes were red-rimmed with tears, and her long brown hair had come out of its braid and was in wisps around her face and shoulders. She wanted to rush into her parent's room and curl up next to her mother like she used to as a little girl. But Leia didn't want to have to explain herself to her mother, so she decided to go talk to Luke. He'd grown up while he'd been away and she thought he might know what to do.

She pushed off the covers, pulled on a satin robe over her plain cotton sleeping-gown, padded over to her bedroom door and stepped out into the hall-way; glaring down at the unconscious green troll alien in the middle of the hall, before knocking on Luke's door with her free hand. (Still clutching 'Growl-Growl the Wookiee' in her right hand.)

Leia heard a groan and the thud of footsteps from inside the bedroom.

"So help me if that's you again Yoda! And if it's you, Dad, I don't want to get..." the door slid open and Luke's eyes softened when he saw it was his twin, her face was tear streaked and she looked terrible. "Leia? What's wrong little sis?" He pushed back his hair and Leia sniffled, wiping her nose with the back of her hand.

"Umm, Luke can I talk to you, please," she said shakily. Luke put his arm around her shoulders and helped her into his room, they sat down on the bed together and he smiled kindly at his sister.

"What's wrong?"

Leia sniffed and started plucking hair off of the nearly furless childhood toy, "my boyfriend, he- he broke up with me yesterday," she started to cry again. "He left me for someone in the legislative youth council," she wailed.

Luke pulled his twin close to him and rocked her. "It's alright, shh Leia, it will be alright. He didn't deserve you! I mean, what guy in his right mind would leave you for another girl? Or another humanoid or anything!" Luke pushed a strand of hair from Leia's eyes.

"He didn't deserve you Leia, it's not your fault. Do you think your brother's blind or do you think I don't notice all those guys falling over themselves just to get to talk to you!"

Leia sniffled and smiled, "thanks Luke. You seem to always know the right thing to say lately," she looked down at her hands. "Can I stay here a little while? I don't want to be alone right now."

Luke nodded and they laid down next to each other on the double bed, "hey, do you remember when we were little and we used to go out onto the roof, wrap ourselves in thermal blankets and watch the sunrise?"

Leia nodded and lent her head on her hand as she gazed at her brother, "yeah I remember, I miss doing things like that. You know, you were a good brother Luke, when we were little. I'll admit I was a terror, but you always saw the best in me even when I hurt you," she smiled.

"You're going to make some girl very happy one day."

Her brother nodded and chuckled, "yeah. Don't go overselling me though Lei, you'll scare them all off," he laughed and the twins chatted about little things for a while before they both fell asleep, Growl-Growl safely tucked under Leia's arm.

-xxx-

Anakin marched up and down the courtyard, he kept looking at his timer, "yes! Thirty seconds to seven!" He began counting as he walked back in the house. "29, 28, 27..." his bare feet made no sound as he walked past Obi-Wan lying on the couch, (with a remote and an half-eaten packet of _Chocotasic! Bites_ in his arms.)

The Jedi Master's mouth was open, and Anakin was tempted to put into his former Master's gaping mouth, the half chewed corpses of Leia and Luke's poor Goober-fish, Obi and Wani; encased in a shoebox coffin on the coffee-table, awaiting 'burial at sea.'

(Obi and Wani, after ten years, had met their unfortunate, [and very grisly,] end after last night when Yoda had gotten into a fight with Wani over who was the strongest Calamarian Jedi in history. ["Blurp not is! Ylurp is! Siding with Wani you are Obi? Then challenge you both I do!" Would forever ring out in Anakin's conscience.])

Anakin bravely turned his head away from the cardboard box so he would not be tempted, but he did steal the packet of _Chocotasic! Bites _from Obi-Wan's arms_,_ and munched on them as he strolled up the stairs to the bedroom level. He trod on a laundry bundle in the hall, (with one of Luke's Force awful caps sticking out of it,) and pressed Luke's door panel.

Upon stepping inside his son's room, Anakin clasped his hands together and cooed. "Oh goodness! Awwwwwww!"

Luke and Leia awoke with a start to the cries, (and chocolate crumbs,) of their gushing father, whom had leapt onto the bed and was hugging them tightly. _Chocotasic! Bites_ and stuffing from Growl-Growl the Wookiee flying everywhere in the process.

"Oh you two are adorable," the Skywalker patriarch let his twins go, and his stunned teenage children smacked back down on the pillows. Anakin sat himself between them and hoisted them up, his arms around their shoulders.

"Luke, when did you get so buff? So, are we ready to go?" Skywalker tussled his Luke's hair and kissed Leia's head.

The twins nervously chuckled and eyed each other helplessly. "Why not?" They said unenthusiastically in unison.

Not a moment later a dishevelled, crying Obi-Wan suddenly entered the room, clutching the shoebox coffin of the Skywalker twins late Goober-fish, (which had their names written in black felt-tip markers on the lid.)

"Poor, poor Obi-Wani. Such a tragedy, he was a good man," he wiped his eyes and studded the shoebox and sniffed it. "What an amazing cologne, it smell just like fish! And how ever did they manage to fit him in such a tiny coffin?"

The Skywalker's looked at each other, Luke spoke up fist, "flimsy, scissors, rock to who breaks the news to him." They all nodded and Luke and Leia both flimsyed their rocked father, Anakin grudgingly turned to the deranged old man.

"Wait a moment, I'm Obi-Wani! But if I'm Obi-Wani, who is this tiny impostor? Unless..."

Anakin turned back to his children as Obi-Wan continued to ponder the existence, or non existence of a man called 'Obi-Wani.'

"Best two out of three?"

-xxx-

Padmé was lying in her and Anakin's comfortable bed, happily somewhere between fully awake and still sleeping when she felt someone lie down beside her. "Good morning Ani...Ahhh!" Padmé screamed as she turned and punched Yoda's smiling face, sending him flying across the room.

Yoda stood up, brushed himself off and left the bedroom. Padmé glared after him as he left then clutched the blankets to her chest and screamed.

"ANAKIN!"

-xxx-

Anakin was loading the last of the luggage onto the _Angel_ with the help of Luke and Padmé.

Leia was sitting on a huge case filing her nails. Her mother eyed her only daughter as she picked up a smaller case near Leia's black, knee-high booted leg.

"Leia, dear, have you ever thought that if you did a bit more physical work, you could lose weight better that way then having to eat the diet junk you do all the time?" Padmé inquired.

Leia looked up and smoothed back a strand of hair into her loose braid. "No Mom, I never thought of that," she smiled and then went back to filing her nails.

Padmé smacked her forehead and stomped past her husband into the ship, muttering something about someone being spoilt rotten by her adoring Daddy. Anakin pursed his lips and walked over to his daughter.

"Leia, honey. You're going to have to get up to give Luke and me a hand with the case you're sitting on to get it on the hover transport," he practically begged.

Leia looked up at her father and smiled. "Okay Daddy, I'll help." She hopped off the case and looked around, "Threepio? Artoo?" Leia called.

Luke looked up and pushed back his blond hair, catching the attention of some young female humanoids on the opposite platform, who came rushing over from their school transport.

"I thought they were already on shut down in the ship...ahhh!" Luke screamed as he was knocked down by about twenty girls. Anakin stood by dumbfounded as his son managed to escape from the throng of teenage girls, only to be pulled back in.

"Girls...no...Darn it, I'm not that cute! Dad? Leia? Mom?"

Leia was screaming with laughter as her father had to go pull his son out.

And as the younger of the Skywalker twins walked over to help her brother as well, the lid of the huge case she'd been sitting on, lifted up and a pair of bulbous eyes and a pair of faded blue eyes peered out.

The owners of the eyes both giggled before pulling back down the lid.

* * *

**Uh oh. I don't like the sound of that giggle, sounds like hi-jinks afoot.**

**Review at will to find out more about the Skywalker's vacation.**


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